When Thank you just doesn't feel like enough......

We posted about our decision to adopt, knowing that we were putting our hearts out for the world to judge. And although the opinions of others will not change our minds, it definitely is still nerve wracking. It was all the emotions you can have or go through hitting publish on that blog post. But it was right...the timing, the chance to open our hearts, and taking that leap of faith. Something we have kept quiet (besides close family) for some time. Thank you for your kind words, thank you for your love, thank you for your support and your faith in us. Thank you to those who may not like or love our decision for keeping it to yourself. ;) Really though something as scary as putting yourself out there, and the reactions we got were better than we had hoped! So thank you! For the bottom of our hearts, we so appreciate you!!!

Thank you to my dear friend Sam for the priceless pictures she took of our family! She gave of her time and talents to bless us and allow us this keepsake! I am so grateful for her! Love ya lady!!

When we chose China, I had just watched a friend bring home her little boy from there. My heart was pulled, tugged, and I knew that was the direction we should go, knowing we would be looking into international. China has a very stable adoption process. They have been doing it for MANY years. It is probably one, if not the, most streamlined process for international adoptions. The whole process takes roughly about 9-12 months (more information I'll discuss at a later date) from the start of your paperwork to the day you meet your child. You spend about 2 weeks in China, doing all of the proper paperwork in order to adopt and receive a visa to bring your child home. Oh what a day that will be, it already brings me to tears just thinking about it!

Along with their process comes rules, guidelines and things that we need to follow in order to adopt from there. One main one being you have be under a certain BMI. Without beating myself up, and being completely open and honest, I need to loose weight before we can begin the paperwork. No matter how hard it was to swallow that I am holding up on our process, someone said it best when they said 'China's kids, China's rules'. And honestly I'm okay with that! It is pushing me to get in better shape, to be more healthy, and to work and focus on me. Don't get me wrong, there are times that I am overwhelmed that I am the hang up. But more often than not, it is giving me the drive I need! I am pushing through. I had thought about waiting to announce it until we were starting, but I guess having accountability to each one of you reading this, it is going to push me that much harder. So here we are, announcing it, being open about it, and I am doing what I can to loose this weight so we can get started! Hoping to be sooner than later!

Once I am down to where I need to be, we will begin the paperwork. And I will continue to work on me and loosing weight. It's just jumpstarting me in the process of being a healthier me!

We will keep you posted and definitely let you know once we begin the process!

But for real, thank you for your love, support, and excitement!
We feel it and we appreciate it!

Embarking on a new journey......

Have you had a time in your life, you knew you were meant to do something? 

Like every part of you, down to your core, knew this was something you needed to do??

Recently I have been going through this, but took a while to open up to Jeff and to our family.

I think I kept it in maybe wishing it wasn't for me because of the unknown? Maybe wondering how it would even be possible, I mean I have 5 children? Maybe because it was safer to keep it in my head instead of sharing it? There are lots of maybes, but something I have learned in my life is when the Lord calls, you answer.

Time and time again I have learned to just trust and have faith.

After much prayer, we are stepping out to say.....

We are going to be adopting!!

Yes, you read that right! The Nicks family will soon begin the process of adoption!

This may come as a shock to you, it did to us as well.

So let me take you back....

I had a thought placed in my head and my heart, a while ago. Years ago, actually. In fact when Jeff and I were first married I mentioned adoption. Jeff said no because he didn't think he could love a child that was not his. This idea was in the back of my mind, but one I didn't give much attention to, really ever. I mean we have 5 kids, why would we ever adopt?! Almost two years ago I casually mentioned one day, maybe, we could possibly, maybe... adopt, to Jeff. At that time he said yeah maybe. But it was a brief conversation, if you'd even call it a conversation, and that was the end of that.  I don't even remember how or why it came up, it was such a quick moment. But after that day the thought would come around every so often. I would brush it off, or maybe give it a minute or two, but I would move on to other things. I am busy! I homeschool 5 children, I am very active in our church, I am a mom, a wife and have plenty of other things to do, besides bringing another child into this family. But the thoughts and ideas kept coming to me, each time being stronger. I started feeling this pull or push to consider it. It reminded me of how I came to homeschool. I started feeling the desire for another child. Watching people around me adopt, and I felt a longing to do the same. Again why? We knew (seriously, I mean REALLY knew) our family was complete after we had Kahle. Then here I was wanting to change that. I knew without any doubt that there was a child out there for us. I decided I needed to talk to Jeff about it, so I wrote a super long text and hit send. Poor guy was at work and I dropped this bomb on him. I felt anxious but also like a weight was lifted. He took a couple days and then said right now he just couldn't. I understood his feelings, and to be fair to him, I've been thinking about this for a while. So in my mind, that was it. He didn't say no, but I took it that way. About a month later I started feeling pushed and pulled once again. It was consuming me this time. In my mind I just kept thinking why? Jeff wasn't on board, that is it! Regardless of my thoughts, the feelings continued. I had moments where, the only way I can describe it was, it felt hard to breath. It was a weight on my mind and on my heart, which all felt like a weight on my chest. So I, once again, sent Jeff a super long text to tell him how I'm feeling. I asked if we could go talk and pray about it. So we did. Lots and lots and LOTS of praying and talking. At the end of it, he was on board but wanted time...Did you read that?! He was on board!! I couldn't hold back, my emotions came leaking out of my eyes. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted, I could finally breath! We still had many discussions, talks, and trying to be completely on the same page. I have felt an urgency, he hasn't, so it's taken time. But in the end we are going to move forward. We decided not to share it with anyone yet, waiting until we are ready (which I guess is now since you are reading this)....

After we made the decision, it was also around the time our kids would randomly bring up adding another child to our family. They often joked and teased about adopting. Jeff and I would just look at each other like how do they know?! We were very careful to not talk about it around them, to be sure they didn't hear us at all! And the fact is they didn't know, at least we hadn't told them, but I feel like their spirits knew. Deep down they had some whisperings of their own. So when Jeff and I sat them down to tell them, it was emotional and we, as a family, all knew it was right. We explained our thoughts and our feelings. There were lots of excited tears shed. Haden put his hands to his head and made an exploding motion as well as an exploding sound. Then said 'mind blown!' Which I think we all can relate to. Our kids are SO excited! We, as a family, are SO excited! They have been dying to tell people! But have done an amazing job at keeping it a secret! We decided from the beginning that we would persue an adoption for a little girl. We pray often for our daughter, whoever she is and wherever she may be. Each time I pray for her I am overcome with emotion and a longing to find her.

When it comes to adoption there are so many choices. We are choosing to do an international adoption. Why? Because we feel good about that choice. It really is as simple as that! Also to be honest, here in the states adoption (for children other than a baby) are done a lot through the foster care system. My heart cannot handle or go through the possibilty of family wanting their child back. Growing up we did foster care, it is fantastic, and reunification is wonderful if it is possible. We are not persuing a baby here in the US because I feel there are so many who cannot have babies, and they deserve a chance to adopt a baby. Regardless of these reasons, we feel good about moving forward with an international adoption. We have prayed, read, researched, and prayed some more. 

We are pursuing and hoping to start the adoption process for China. 

We have poured our hearts out to our Heavenly Father, and we feel this is the path we have been asked to walk. We are humbled, anxious, and so SO very excited. So we are moving forward with faith. And lots of prayers! 

We have not started the process yet. We have narrowed down the agency, we know the direction we want to take. Now that we have announced it and gotten that weight off our shoulders, haha! We will be looking forward to starting the paperwork!